Poly animals

Most of us are familiar with the fall-in-love-once-and-for-life animals.. swans, penguins, beavers. Shoutout to National Geographic and other shows for capturing the beautiful love lives of these animals. The romance oozes from the TV into our hearts. These animals are so in love that if one passes away, the other might even die from heartbreak. It's wild that you can die from heartbreak, but if you ever got your heart broken, you know it hurtsss, and death is undoubtedly possible.

Ever curious to know who the swinger animals are? Not only was I interested to know, but I also wondered how their society felt about it. Do the animals look down on the swinger animal and think, "you cheatin', triflin', nasty...". Do they talk behind their back and call them a ho?

Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado...

Here are the top 10 promiscuous animals out there:

1. Bonobos (mini chimpanzee)

These animals are much more peaceful than other species of chimpanzees because, well, they do it a lot. They see sex as a means to strengthen bonds and resolve conflict (make-up sex). In contrast, other chimpanzees see it only for reproduction purposes. But bonobos are gross because the mothers will even mate with their mature male sons.

2. BRONZE-WINGED JACANA (bird in Southeast Asia)

These chicks do not play around. The girls are much bigger than the boys and sleep around as much as they please. They'll have some babies and leave 'em with their dad to raise and bounce. They are also known for invading another female's nest, killing the chicks, and running game on the new bachelor dad. The dad isn't phased by his babies being gone; he is impressed and is DTF.

3. Spotted Hyena (yeah, the same grimey ones from The Lion King)

These fools are odd. Tables turn here as it's not the female going out giving it up; it's the males that mate with multiple females. The females have a penis-like clit that protrudes 7 inches from her body. This makes doing it a little tricky, as the male has to position himself just right to slide in. Listen, I didn't want to include all this here, but it's facts, people.

4. Red-jungle fowl (a chicken on steroids)

They don't leave home much, and with so few options, they have to do the worst thing imaginable, incest sex. So it's often that a brother/sister will mate and whatnot. But what I find kinda cool about these birds is that the females can store the sperm and, when she's ready, will pick the sperm in the gut she wants to use to have babies. How sway?

5. WalruS

These guys are packin'. They have the biggest peen of any mammal, growing to 30 inches. So the way it works is.. the guy walrus looks for a fine lady walrus just chilling on some ice. Then he'll make all these wild sounds - whistles and teeth-clacking. I can't believe the lady walruses fall for this obnoxious cat-calling, but they do. The lady walrus slides off the ice and meets the guy walrus underwater to get it on, which is probably why I couldn't find any pics of them smashing online.

6. Lions

Is sex all male lions are concerned about? Male lions basically live the dream. They send the women out to hunt and raise the children. The guys go around sniffing the butts of the lady lions to find out which ones are ready to romp. Oh, and if they don't want to romp, too bad. Male lions need to mate several times an hour. Someone needs to start a sex addicts anonymous for lions. Male lions are for the streets.

7. African blue-headed lizard

Okay, this one is bugged out. The females will smack each other with their big-ass tales to get in bed with these guys. The winner gets the peen but also a vibrant coat of dazzling colors. The loser gets no peen and turns completely gray. That's embarrassing. couldn't find a picture of them doing it, but we can use our imagination.

8. Bottle-nose dolphins

The one-minute men of the sea. Dolphins enjoy having lots of sex for the fun of it, even if they don't last long. The guys will nuzzle and stroke the ladies and, if they're feeling frisky, will position themselves belly-to-belly for the short-lived lay. Young male dolphins often go out with a wingman to try to bag ladies.

9. Hanging flies

Hilarious and amusing, these ones are. The dude fly will bring the girl fly a gift - a dead insect. If the girl is happy with the present, she'll hang upside down and give up the nani, all while she eats the dead insect. I thought the male lion was living the dream, but I gotta give it up to the female hanging flies. Eating while having sex? They won. If the dead insect gift is too small or not to her liking, she'll throw the male fly off her before he gets to cum. LOL.

10. Brown antechinus (mouse/rat type thing)

During a two-week breeding season, these mice have a sex-fest. The females are in the streets heavy. Each rendezvous lasts 5-14 hours. By giving up the goods so much, it actually increases the female's chances of her eggs being fertilized by a healthy father and, in turn producing ready-for-the-league offspring. Unfortunately, the dad drops dead before the mom gives birth. Exhausted from all the wild and long sex they had.