"sure, books can guide you but your heart defines you, chicka"

-sean carteR AKA JAY-z AKA THE GOAT

Your heart. your intuition. that feeling nestled deep in your stomach, somewhere under your belly button and right above your fupa. okay, so I'm not exactly sure where your gut is anatomy-wise, but when i get a decisive feeling, that's where it's coming from, right above the fupa. i'm certain.

All my life, i ignored this strong (oh so strong) feeling. Going with the status quo, going with what i believe others would consider "good decisions". never going against the grain, even when that above-fupa feeling told me to.

recently, though?

the turn of events in my life is no place for a blog, it's more deserving of a podcast show or two, or even a series, so i'm going to spare several deets here. BUT - i deeply want to express to you the overwhelming warm freedom I've come into by moving through life based... solely on my intuition.

it's a slippery slope, right? if we all did what our intuition told us to do? That, to me, would be "in a perfect world". i'm having trouble pulling any negatives from my pocket for that one. lessons, sure. but negatives, nAH. how can anything go wrong when you're following your heart?

enough of the vagueness. let's roll up our sleeves for the real. girl, if your dream has always been to be a zoologist, why are you an accountant? If your dream has always been to live in nyc, why are you still in THAT small town in Alabama? if you like staying inside, all cozy under your weighted blanket with a good book, why are you outside at that party, chugging drink after drink just so you can socialize?

trust yourself.

your mind and body is a powerful place. probably the most powerful, authentic place you will ever experience.

and, sad to say, time is of the essence. don't put off anything. next year, tomorrow, monday - whose to say we'll be granted that. nobody even knows.

I said i'd spare most details about the recent events in my life here, i lied. i'm going to let you in on one thing - i recently declined a job offer that would bring in some good Money (real good money - like, book-an-overseas-trip-and-not-even-have-to-think-about-it-money). the first two interviews were virtual, the third one was in-person. the in-person interview didn't feel quite right. it was a wife-husband couple doing the interview - the business owners. it was hard for the wife to make eye-contact with me, she just kept looking at her husband and smiling (a super forced smile). the husband led the interview and was saying things about the role that rubbed me completely wrong. still, we went along with it, and i knew (above my fupa) the interview went well.

the next day, i got a call from the husband-business owner. he wanted to gauge if i was really interested in the role because they were scheduled to interview other candidates but they were ready to hire me now.

within minutes, i sent an email back to the husband-business owner guy, kindly declining the offer for the position. my fingers were doing the typing for me. there was little thought that went into it. seriously, it felt like an out-of-body experience.

minutes later and bing. A snarky, sarcastic, borderline-condescending email arrives in my inbox from the husband-owner. all i could think was "girl, good thing you went with your gut-instinct". can you imagine if i went through with the whole hiring process, and I'm months-deep into the job, just to find out what i knew all along - the guy is an a1-dick and i have to be around him 8 hours a day / 350+ days a year?

monday i start a new job at a garden center / florist and i couldn't be happier. the pay doesn't even come close to what i could be making at the husband-wife company, but it doesn't matter. this is what my heart led me to, and, to be honest, what it's been trying to lead me to for years (i just kept ignoring it - obviously, it didn't work).

what i'm saying is that i love you and i want you to follow whatever thing that keeps tugging at you. you know what i'm talking about. it's ruthless, it'll keep tugging and tugging. and yes, it's possible for me to love you even if i don't know-you, know-you. i feel your energy. i feel your desires. i feel your dreams.

you feel your dreams.

when are you going to listen to them?

<3

indigo minx